Emilia John A 60-year-old millionaire married a 25-year-old model. His friends were curious how he did it and asked him about it. The millionaire told them, “I lied to her about my age”. “Oh, so you told her you were like 40?” “No, I told her I was 90.”
Back in the early ’90s, it was common to share pornography via fax-machine. People almost always distributed amateur photography, but this wasn’t for any reason that you might be thinking. In fact, it was entirely due to a rumor that perusing faxed copies of magazines could cause one’s semen to turn green. The rumor was … Read more
The first Jewish President of the United States is elected. The night before the inauguration he calls his mother. “Mom, I’d love for you to come visit and stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days.” “Oh I don’t know, airfare is so expensive these days.” “Mom, I’ll fly you out on … Read more
A joke from before WW1 A Polish officer on a short leave is approached by a young lady who invites him to spend the night with her. In the morning, she sees him dressing up and ready to leave “Honey! What about the money?” Surprised, he answers “Mam, a gentleman never takes money from a … Read more
A father is asking his 12-year old son if he has any idea who he wants to be when he grows up. The kid thinks for a second, and then says: “I want to be a pool maintenance guy… or a gardener … or a plumber… or a pizza delivery guy.” The father yells to … Read more
Three dogs are in the waiting room at the vet’s, talking about why they are there. The first one, a chihuahua, says “I’m the world’s greatest barker. I bark at everything. Non stop. You name it, I bark at it. My owner thinks if vet cuts my balls off I’ll stop barking, so here I … Read more
I’m sorry this is the dumbest joke I ever heard. $80 an hour? For an actual psychiatrist???? What’s backwards pageantry is this. Even a “counsellor” (who may or may not have real qualifications) charge over $100 an hour. The average psychiatrist doing psychotherapy is probably more like $350 plus. I know it’s a joke but … Read more
Teacher asks class to use the work “definitely” in a sentence. Susie starts: “The sky is definitely blue”. Teacher: “Well, that’s not always true, sometimes it’s cloudy and grey”. David says: “The grass is definitely green”. Teacher: “Sometimes, if it’s not watered, grass turns brown. Finally, Johnny says: “Are farts lumpy?” Teacher: “No” Johnny: “Then … Read more
That one inch… A man is bragging to his wife in front of the mirror: “If my shoulders were 1 inch wider, I’d be like Schwarzenegger!” “Yeah, yeah…” “And if my biceps were 1 inch bigger, I’d be like Stallone!” “Yeah, yeah… And if your penis were 1 inch shorter, you’d be like Madonna.”
A husband comes downstairs to find a note on the fridge The note is from his wife. It says, “I’ve made a huge mistake. This isn’t working. I’m sorry.” Immediately, the husband runs upstairs and packs his suitcase. He drives straight to the airport and books the next flight to Vegas. On the plane, the … Read more